The Itch!

UGH! The itch is especially horrible with this flare, and scratching makes everything really painful. I pray that this is the healing itch and that it's a step closer to the end.

Fed Up

I'm having my monthly menstrual flare and I'm at my limit. I just had a horrible itching frenzy and scratched my chest until it was raw and oozing....not fun. I just look at everyone else with their flawless skin and get so jealous...how I used to freely wear whatever I wanted and not experience the deathly horrible feeling of clothing over dry, flaky, oozing skin. How I used to wear tank tops and short sleeve shirts, my wardrobe now consisting of a plain, ugly long sleeve top to hide my red arms. How I used to be able to snuggle up in my blankets in any position and feel comfortable, while now I'm confined to lying straight on my back without moving so that my ooze doesn't touch the sheets. The list goes on and on, and I just wish this would all be over already so that I can live normally again. I've already been through 8 months, nearing 9, of this hell, and I know that some have suffered longer and harder than I have but this is just horrible. No one on earth should have to suffer through this...it's outrageous. Of the 5 stages of grief, I'm still at the anger/bargaining/depression stages, and I probably won't reach the acceptance stage until I'm healed. I hope you're all faring better than me, and hopefully in a few days I won't feel as bad.

Uh oh...

The red skin has spread to the back of my knees. I prayed this wouldn't happen...but it did...

Getting better

I'm healing up from the last flare, but somehow my eyelids oozed and swelled up this morning. I'm almost positive that it was the chocolate that I ate yesterday, but can't be too sure...Also today in the school bathroom, a girl seemed genuinely concerned that I had been beaten up because of my swollen, red eyelids. I assured her that it was just allergies and hightailed it out of there....I don't know whether to be hurt or amused by this HA! Hope you're all having a well-needed break.

Is this the second wave?

Well, my face started flaring up again after a long time of really good skin. Now, there are bumpy red patches all over my cheeks and nose. This is strange because usually when my face flares my nose is completely clear...

I wonder if I've hit the famous second wave...And you all know when I'm flaring when my blog posts get more frequent :)

Highs and Lows

Flare is still raging on, but it's entered the flaking stage so I know it'll be over in a couple of days. I've been really thinking about how TSW is such a rollercoaster of emotions. One day, I feel great and happy because my skin is somewhat normal, being able to sleep and go to dance and school without worrying about my red skin. Then, a flare hits and I'm stuck at home, hunched over in a chair itching and rubbing, wondering why this ever happened to me and what I did to deserve it. On days like these I just feel so alone, unproductive, and helpless.

Another thing that has been eating me is the worry. When will my next flare be? What if I have a big social event that day? Will I be in school? Will I have to miss a big dance rehearsal? What if I have to quit another recital, one of my last ones as a senior? It consumes me every day and is impossible to ignore.

This flare is a huge slap in the face for me, telling me that at 8.5 months I still have a long way to go.

Worst flare yet?

Although it is hard to say, I think I've had my worst flare yet today, halfway through month 8. Yesterday night I forced myself down on the bed and tried to sleep, despite my skin oozing profusely. I just kept telling myself to ignore it and sleep. When I woke up this morning my entire neck and chest was COVERED in a thick, hard, yellow crust. I could barely move my head because the crust had solidified my skin into place. I hunched over to the shower and melted it all off with warm water, and now it's just painfully raw and red. My face flared up also, developing some bumpy oozing patches as well.

As much as I didn't want you guys to have to see this, I took some pictures to document the flare:

After washing the crust off:

Swollen, bumpy eyelids:

This flare has really astounded me. It is as if I'm back to square one, just as I was at my worst around month 5/6. I truly believed it couldn't get any worse, but it did today. Maybe this is the famous second flare that everyone talks about? I remember back in the end of month 5 I had a flare just about as bad as this one, and then I started seeing a lot of improvement. I'm praying that the same thing will happen now, and that this huge flare was just the end of another cycle. I truly cannot afford to miss any more school or dance, so I really hope this ends soon.

Flaring again...

Things have not been going too well for me. After the start of school, my skin has taken a turn for the worse. My arms are constantly red and my face has been doing good up to today, when I woke up with swollen, red eyelids and a blotchy mouth. However, I feel like this is a different type of flaring than before. Starting around the end of month 6 was when I noticed this difference. Before, my flares would just be red with hard, crusty skin and burning, and it would affect the entire surface of my skin in one flush. Now, I get bumpy red patches that don't entirely encompass the area in red, but are more like blotches. However, they are more raised patches that are more raw. Today was especially bad, as my chest and back of neck have started to weep. It's such a horrible feeling when your skin is sore and crusty from all the oozing...

Another thing that has been bothering me is that people expect me to heal and just be done with tsw for good. However, we all know that you can be in a break and look perfectly fine, then a day later spiral back into red skin, oozing, and swelling. I think this is by far the worst thing about tsw, seeing flawless skin destroy itself and begin to break down on its own, all while trying to maintain a normal life. I think that I need to accept that I am most definitely NOT normal at the moment, and that I shouldn't be doing all of the things that normal people do. I do have an illness, no matter how you look at it. I will be posting some pictures in the next few days to chart progress of my flare. I hope you are all doing well!

Back to school...eh...

I guess I'm back in school! I actually missed my first day of school because I had food poisoning....but it's gone now. So far I've healed up from my end of the month flare. My arms have gotten sooo smooth, I just can't believe that a week ago they were rough and painful. They aren't completely back to normal yet, still itchy and a bit pink, but I'm seeing progress! My right wrist still looks horrible...I have to wear a wrap bracelet to cover it up. Face is looking good! Chest/neck/shoulders are around the same as my arms--better but still room for improvement. Sleep is pretty much back to normal! Hopefully I don't have huge flares from now on!